Tree
Frogs
Regular
readers of my column may be aware that for the last few months I have been
coexisting with a frog. It is a normal Chinese ground frog and has taken up
residence in my kitchen… somewhere? I don’t really have a problem with it (I
think?), and it seems to regard me in like manner. We sort of meet unexpectedly
about once a week, and it is cool. I have named it ‘Frolic’, and it may
actually answer to this name occasionally, which is a tad weird. Quickly moving
on…
Frolic The
Frog appears to eat things I do not really want inside my kitchen, for instance;
since his (or her?) appearance I have not once been troubled by Chinese black
ants. I am not sure (s)he is very good at eating mosquitoes’, but my dog ‘Be
Loi’ appears to have taken up this particular challenge with gusto, mainly with
miserable results for both of us. Ouch! Being a superb Guard Dog, Be Loi has
not yet noticed this frog, even when it is in plain sight! Some Home Security
Hound she is; Sacré Blue!
Be Loi
actually enjoys eating my Spare Ribs the best. When she was younger she
actually took some from my plate, and Siu Ying chased her all over the house
with a heavy broom. It really was just like ‘Tom & Jerry’. She has never,
ever, ventured near my plate or a brush since! I actually had to go and protect
her – because SY was seriously not impressed. Think ‘Toons’ here - and real
life was pretty damned close! However, when she is hungry she tries to catch
Moths and other flying things in my office. I think she likes eating moths as second
choice, as she gets through a lot of them, some of which I try and rescue. What
can I say: Carlos Castaneda!
Be Loi is
actually getting a lot better at catching mossies, although she still has a lot
to learn. Interestingly, sometimes my eyesight is far better than hers’, which
must relate to knowledge and not physical dexterity. When she catches one she
makes a very big scene about eating it with an open mouth – the way dogs do
lol. She is also excellent with spiders, although like myself, she is not
concerned about the small jumping ones. Her reaction to finding a large one I
had killed was priceless … she was immediately on ‘Security Lock-Down’; and
examined the carcass from a good distance, sniffing a lot. As I stood by her
she looked up at me with a querulous look in her eyes – as if to say: ‘Is it
dead? Is it safe?’. Now where the hell has that come from? Whilst this was not
one of the tarantella sized ones we sometimes find hereabouts, it was extremely
large by
Most
evening the office resembles a wildlife sanctuary, festooned with moths and
mossies, and other flying creations. Occasionally the bats drop by to check things
out, but they are looking for roosts, so are not into feeding off the abundant
supplies of life flying around the room unfortunately. Just last week Be Loi
met a bat for the first time, and was instantly on Guard Patrol. I actually had
to shoo her off once when she was sniffing the bat after it flopped on the
floor (Dogs tend to eat and kill things out of simple curiosity).
The other
good news is that Swallows have built a new home adjacent to my front door, and
having made it habitable by adding lots of grass and mud are now setting about
incubating the eggs. At first they were very wary of me, but after a few weeks
they seem quite settled and happy in their new home. As in
In general:
I retain the right to ‘Zero Tolerance’ regards Cockroaches and Mosquitoes, whilst
I remain happy to share with the bats, swallows, and ground frog. I would also
class the local red and black wasps in the ‘Zero Tolerance’ category, as they
are large and look wicked. In summer they love the Bougainvillea that grows on
the balcony outside my office window; and sometimes they venture inside! Not
good! I have not seen any this spring, although the Bougainvillea is in flower
(and has never stopped actually), but I am sure they will reappear once the
rays of full summer warm this lovely country.
I am pretty
ambivalent to the rest; and may let them alone, or may not. For instance, this
time of year has seen many caterpillars enjoying residence, plus a load of
weird tree type beetle bug thingymagigs. I’ve killed one or two of each, but
usually they expire shortly anyway. Some are vaguely interesting and others not
so. A couple have been ejected because they were invading my personal comfort
zone; but by and large they coexist ok.
I also know
this island has Chinese rats and mice, but they are very afraid of people
eating them and would never venture near a home. I think the same is true for
snakes and very large spiders, as fortunately I have never met any yet (Touch
wood) of these nasty things. However, my subconscious is aware of the
probability they are close by at certain times.
I first
became alerted to new presence within the household when watching TV and
hearing a rather loud and strange noise one evening. It was akin to croaking,
but very loud and had an odd resonance. Obviously I half-heartedly had a look
around, but could see nothing. I was pretty sure it was some kind of frog all
the same. This clucking occurred once a day or so, and for a short burst – so
obviously looking for a mate I reason.
So now I
have a ground frog in the kitchen somewhere, and presumably a different kind of
frog inhabiting my living room. I let it be for several weeks, and until it
begins to awaken me when I occasionally crash-out on the couch. Now this is beginning
to awaken my attention.
One
occasion I am being deafened by the noise from somewhere near the lamp stand,
and decide I need to visit the WC. Having spent only 1 penny, I turn around and
see a brightly covered frog clinging gallantly to the wall directly ahead, and
perpendicularly adjacent to the sink and my head. Hmmm? We appear to be very
interested in each others presence. It is actually quite beautiful (In a frog
sort of way), and whilst having a green back and large pink sucky feets; has an
off-white underbelly and a hint of red along the sides. It appears to be
smiling, so I leave it alone for now…
Over the
coming few days I espy the frog again, as it likes to hang-out under the TV
sideboards and around the lamp stand. It is extremely good at climbing and sort
of leaps around the stand’s iron rodded structure from time to time. Be Loi has
still not spotted it, as it tends to remain very still for most of its life. I
have since determined that Chinese ground frogs excrement is like a small medicine
capsule, but dark Khaki green; and just like a dribble of great and wicked,
Indian curry paste. Tree frog specimens tend to be of similar colour, but are
slightly smaller and tapered to one end. I guess you always wanted to know
that, right?
Around this
time, Nonni, Siu Ying, and Mama visit for a few days. I had just run out of
calor gas for the cooker, and they worked out how to get a new bottle. Being
the boy, it was naturally my task to do the technical and heavy stuff – like
disconnecting the old bottle and removing it for replacement. This also turned
out to be exactly where the Frolic the Frog has made its home. I called for Siu
Ying to have a look, but Mama appeared and was quite disgusted. She made every
mime to alert me that this amphibian needed to immediately take flying lessons
= out of the house. I wanted to ask her ‘Why’? As her kitchen also has one; but
perhaps she doesn’t know about it, as we tend to meet in her living room in
Toisan around 4am. I really don’t have a problem with this frog, so Mama must
think I am a ‘wuss’ for not turfing it out. It’s cool. Live and let live, as
they say + I’m damned sure it eats mossies!
Things come
to a head one evening when I retire downstairs to watch TV, and espy a frog
clinging to the wall, directly adjacent to where my head would be if I fell
asleep here. I open the main doors and bat it out with a great drive to cover
point. Uh-Oh! Seems my cricketing skills have diminished somewhat, and the frog
was actually dispatched to deep third man. Ho-Hum! However, Be Loi is “Very”
impressed with me! Be Loi is determined to ‘do something with it?’, whilst I
encourage it to leap in the direction of through the doors and outside. That’s
that one sorted then!
Later that
evening another tree frog decides to preamble around the TV. Cummon! I’m trying
to watch Ghost Whisperer here; ‘Mist all Chucking Frighty’! I am going to have
to decide who and what lives within this household vs who and what does not!
We have a
sort of unfair duel, which Be Loi greatly enjoys and doesn’t understand at all,
and soon this tree frog is also encouraged to vacate the premises (A quick tap
to short leg). All sorted then. No, not quite, as I am reminded the sizes of
frogs can be determinate in their sexuality. Having dispatched 3 recently,
(Caught another just as it hopped through the open door), I again hear the
unmistakably loud sounds of a tree frog to my left (Door side). Ahha! I decide
not to summon security, as basically the dog is hopeless with these things, and
I instantaneously transform into my alter-ego ‘Professor Cunning of
Needless to
say, I am now aroused; and eject many other things from within the household,
on option of death: 30-odd mossies, half a dozen caterpillars, a beleaguery of
beetle thingymagigs – and go cook. The ground frog is still somewhere in my
kitchen, but its cousins are a little bit too invasive and loud to share with.
People -
with all the very best of intentions, can also be a little like this also; so I
have decided to change my home. This will be my 11th gaff inside of
8 years, or something equally stupid. Sometimes I hanker after the times when
everybody knew the earth as a round, and their small place it within it, and
where people are themselves. As with all my missives and monotony, there is a
resonance of music that runs through every single piece. This one is dedicated
to humans trying to understanding the manipulations and bounty of The Elf (or
Eastern) Queen.